I need to seek help from someone older than me but I wonder if it may seem strange.
I seriously need help. Consultation. And maybe some counselling.

I mean she's being really ridiculous. She then make it sound like it's my fault if she cannot get through the house phone. So anyway, I had just woken up from my nap when I had the conflict with her and she said sleep more and this thing will happen -.-

Come on, even if i sleep or not, I'll still be angry.
Then later on at night.. My brother said I was fat.
I seriously felt like pointing middle finger at him.
He's been saying it the past few weeks and just because I didn't say anything doesn't mean he can say it everytime. So last night, I exploded.
Before I went upstairs, I shouted" you're as skinny as a lizard!"
Then my mom demanded that I come out of my room.
She literally screamed at me and asked me why I say that.
Will I say that for no reason?!
So of course I said that he keep saying i'm fat.
Then she snapped at him to set a good example.
I appreciate the fact that she seeked justice for me but she herself calls me fat too.
My whole family calls me fat.
My dad, my mom and my brother.
Only my dad says it in a nice way: Go and exercise okay.
-.- So obviously if they keep saying, they want me to do something right!
The point is I no time to exercise, so the other way is I starve myself.
Go on strike for some petition or something.

You know, I was so frrrreaking pissed that I entertained the casual thought of suicide. hahaha. i wasnt serious about it at all , just really angry..
I was wondering how they'd react.
I should be ashamed that I even entertained that thought but the reason why I thought of it because I wonder if that's the only way they can shut up. =x
But I realised suicide will only goes to show I'm too weak to handle insults and besides, it'll spoil the name of my church and my school. So yeah(:
And why should I die for them to learn their lesson? (:
It's my life(:

Anyway, I was really disappointed with mom.
I tried to be a good daughter, compared to how my brother behaves.
I cried over the phone to Joyce, cried openly for everyone in the home to hear.
Cause I seriously couldn't be bothered anymore.
They don't seem to realise that I'm trying my best to not be such a spoilt kid.
I see the way my brother behaves and I make it a point, a resolution to never be like him.
But they don't seem to know.
They only see my behaviour at home, they don't see my behaviour in school and in church.
And they judge with their eyes, they don't judge with their faith.
We should live by faith and not by sight :P
And then if i cry right, they'll think that im just going through my teenage stage, the stage of rebellion and emoing and angsty stuff.
BUT BUT NO, im not.
I hate it when they pass conclusions like that.
I'm the usual teen they think I am.
I'M DIFFERENT and every teen is.

My eyes were like spoilt taps last night.
I think I need a plumber. HAHAHA.
I don't think I should care anymore.
I'm just gonna continue being a good girl and not expecting any recognition, appreciation or acknowledgement.
Because the more one craves for those, the more one will get disappointed.
At least there's one person who knows what's going on, and that's God(:
I'm fine, I will be fine.

I shall post about Sunday and family day later.